🌱 The most important shift I made in 2022

As you reach for your goals in 2023, I hope you’ll avoid the trap that I fell into. Not once, not twice, but over and over again.

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The trap that leaves you disappointed in yourself

A couple of months ago, I wrote my own eulogy.

Oof — reality hit. If I didn’t change my habits, I’d die living a mediocre life. One with little impact and a shrinking circle of friends and family.

As expected, the eulogy exercise jumpstarted better habits and helped me stay connected to what mattered.

But then a few weeks later, I started to feel unhappy. Although I was more motivated and spending time more mindfully, my awareness of the gap only widened — the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be.

And because of that, I became even harder on myself.

The progress I was making in my new career felt way too slow. And the pressure of starting a family loomed over me. How could I buy a home and raise children in my current position?

When I shared my unhappiness with two friends over dinner, they told me about a mindset shift that I needed to make.

The Gap vs. The Gain

They said, “you’re unhappy because you’re currently in The Gap. You’re measuring yourself against your ideal self.”

“Stop doing that.”

Now I realize that my ideal self is a moving target that will always be out of reach. If you measure yourself against a target that is permanently out of reach, you’ll always fall short.

Of course you'll become discouraged. Of course you’ll give up.

If you keep chasing the convention to “maximize your potential,” you’ll be disappointed in yourself for the rest of your life.

So how do you avoid that trap?

Measure your progress against your previous self. You're now in The Gain rather than The Gap.

The Gain puts up a mirror for you to see who you used to be and where you started from.

Wow. Look at all the progress you’ve already made since the beginning. Where you want to be is still a north star, but it no longer haunts you.

Dan Sullivan, the founder of Strategic Coach popularized this concept. In his experience coaching thousands of entrepreneurs, he found that unsuccessful people focused on The Gap, while successful people focused on The Gain.

The Gap Mindset = Frustration + Disappointment + Depression

• I’m not good enough at public speaking.

• I suck at tennis compared to my boyfriend.

The Gain Mindset = Fulfillment + Confidence + Optimism

• I used to be scared of public speaking. But now I teach a public speaking class for beginners.

• My shots are a lot more consistent than they were a few months ago.

When you shift into this new mindset, you’ll gain the momentum and confidence to break through plateaus, challenges, and setbacks.

As you pursue your new goals, without a doubt, you’ll find yourself inside the old mindset. But when you’re there, I hope you’ll remember to shift into the new mindset.

You’ve made a lot of progress since Day 0.

Keep pushing.

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2022 Gains

Despite feeling like I was making slow progress, I’ve come a long way!

📈 Completed 4 courses — DemandCurve’s Growth Program, Ultraspeaking Level I Coach Training, Yoga Teacher Training, & Vinh Giang’s Stage Academy

✍️ Wrote 20 newsletters / goal of 12 ✅

📚 Read 18 books / goal of 12 ✅

🏋️‍♀️ Exercised 146 days (40%) — 66x Strength, 38x Tennis, 31x HIIT, 21x Yoga

❤️ Trapped Andrew ✅😉

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2022 Memories